I come from a tiny island country in the middle of the Mediterranean sea and since I was a child have always felt to be more in my element in the sea than on land. So being pregnant and not allowed to travel to the sea was particularly hard for me.
Until now. Last weekend the doctor gave me the go ahead to travel and I spent a lovely time swimming – I just couldn’t get out of the sea :-)
I’ve been going through a difficult pregnancy and have been stuck at home for a while now. Since I am usually a very active, outgoing and sociable person this has been very hard for me.
Although I love being pregnant and ‘interacting’ with baby, I feel as though I’ve lost who I was before, like I’ve lost my spark and my whole outside world has disappeared and only my inside (also inside the house) world exists.
I’ve taken some photos for the A Dance in the Dark series and I guess they represent this melanchonic feeling I cannot seem to shake off.. I’m not sharing these photos with my friends, sometimes it’s easier to share with strangers.
The books represent the readings and attempt at preparation for this new role whereas the casts were made to celebrate my 30th year and various stages of my pregnancy. They also represent various versions of me (if that makes sense!).
I’m in a state of big changes and this shows especially at night. I cannot sleep, and when I do, my dreams are very vivid and scary. I wake up every morning feeling tired and lost… what’s happening to me? Will I be a bad mother? Why am I running away all the time? Why am I so scared? – And then apparently it’s normal.
As in a dream, seemingly random objects are brought together… art project plans and ideas, personal wishes and wishes from my beloved ones as well as wishes for those who are currently suffering around us.. At the end all that is left is an experience.. Experience is an illusion..